Confessions of a Quarrelsome Woman

“Dealing with anger—how many times do we say things we regret? Discover three ways to bring our tongue under control.”

I was in the car with my husband driving to meet our family for lunch. My husband chose a route to the restaurant that, in my opinion, took more time. I knew we had time constraints because we had to meet friends after lunch. I sat in the car fuming. After driving in this area for over twenty years, why does he still take the longest route? Do I have to do all the thinking in this family? Before long, I had whipped myself into a quarrelsome attitude because of something as inane as the driving route to a restaurant. In the meantime, my husband and children knew that Mom was in one of her “moods.” They didn’t know if they had caused it; they just knew to be very cautious. I had just become a “constant dripping,” and my family was living on the corner of the roof. Proverbs graphically describes a quarrelsome woman in:

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” 

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife” 

“A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping” 

It was a clear picture of who I was. I stared at these verses and remembered scenes at work or home where someone around me whispered, “She’s in one of those moods,” and I could sense they’d rather be any place else but near me. My family and friends were often walking on eggshells, afraid to say or do anything.

The verdict was in: Guilty. I was a quarrelsome, ill-tempered woman. Even I hated being around me. I cried out, “Lord, why am I like this? Help me. Change me.”

I recognised the three culprits at work in my life: pride, discontent, and pleasure-seeking.

PRIDE

Pride was footloose and free in my heart. I wanted control. I thought I was better at deciding the route we should take. And my desire for control mushroomed into believing that I always knew better than my husband. This is a common disease among wives, even when our husbands have proven themselves to be responsible, thoughtful, and intelligent men. Why else would we have married them? Still we want to believe that we know everything.

DISCONTENT

Discontent is a sneaky one. It creeps into our thoughts without much warning. I was discontent with the route taken to a restaurant. How silly is that? Yet, it was powerful enough to ruin my family’s lunch date.

A quarrelsome woman that harbors discontent is never satisfied. She wants her husband to bring her flowers. One day he does. Oh, but they weren’t red roses. She is never satisfied. She is always craving more.

Yet the truth is that all day long we crave for more and more! Why can’t we learn to give without sparing? Why not stop thinking of what we can get and think of what we can give?

PLEASURE SEEKER

I love pleasure. Who doesn’t? Is that your goal in life? Are you constantly planning and thinking about your next vacation? Is pleasure your focus? And if you don’t get what your heart is set on, Watch Out, World!

You didn’t get to see your favorite TV show or you didn’t get to go to the gym or have lunch. Instantly you put on your quarrelsome face and no one can stand being near you. The world owes you.

This seeking of pleasure can dangerously lead us to become a sluggard. We become lazy. We don’t feel like cleaning, cooking, teaching, studying, or going to church. We crave only pleasure and become sluggards at our responsibilities. We all have duties to perform, given to us by God in His ultimate wisdom. We are to do the work every day that is placed in our hands with an open and grateful heart.

What must i do to leave this quarrelsome woman behind? 

Once I recognized I was a quarrelsome woman and these three culprits were wreaking havoc in my life,, and those of others dear to me. I determined to change and become a woman who will be pleasant to be with. God helped me focus on humility, contentment, and trust.

HUMILITY 

It’s hard for me to be humble. It’s so easy to think more of ourselves than is true. How can we stay humble? I found it helpful to make a list of the things I am blessed with. When I consider the magnitude of all God’s blessings in my life, I feel humbled. This same list can be written about the key people in our lives. When I look at the blessings these people bring to my life, I have a quick attitude change.

CONTENTMENT 

I think of contentment as coming to terms with what has been given to me. It helps me to stop fussing and craving for more, and begin to look at what you do have.

Rejoice if you have a job. Rejoice that you have a family who loves you – even when you have them living on the corner of the roof. Rejoice that you have life. Rejoice in the work given you to do – it is a privilege.

Decide today what kind of woman you want to be. Then take the necessary steps to become that kind of woman who spreads joy all around. The next time my husband took the long way to a destination, I took a deep breath, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way – scenery I had never noticed before! I chose not to be in control of every little thing and accepted the freedom of not making every little decision. What a difference it made!

ARE YOU A QUARRELSOME WOMAN? 

Are you content or complaining?

Are you rejoicing or miserable?

Are you trusting or maneuvering?

Are you giving or craving more?

Are you busy serving others or seeking

your own pleasure?

Vashti Reyes Acosta serves as both a teacher and assistant superintendent of Sunday school at her church in New York, NY. Additionally, she is a retreat and conference speaker. Vashti is the wife of a New York State Supreme Court Justice and mother of two.